3:15 am: I’ve not slept a wink for the past 2 1/2 hours. I’m in a bathrobe, hunched in a tight curl on this office-type swivel chair, feeling like I’ve snorted too much cocaine. Except I haven’t snorted too much cocaine, in fact I haven’t imbibed any mind-altering substances in years. I am merely one of the many to whom getting Behind the Wall of Sleep no longer comes naturally.
I’m squinting at a computer screen that’s got a thin crack running across the bottom of it. The crack is filled by a dark-blue inky blackness, which is spreading gradually in a flood plane-like pattern, obscuring more and more of the lower part of the screen. I am solely to blame for this, since I was the one who slammed a coffee cup into the computer some six weeks ago, in similar fit of sleepless desperation.
My thoughts are not particularly rational. For instance I have this niggling suspicion that if I tensed up all the muscles in my head at exactly same instant, my face might shatter like a glass mask in 1000 shards onto this faux-parque floor beneath me. Earlier, I wondered if the unnatural silence surrounding me had actual arms, hands, fingers – appendages that could reach out toward me from the shadows if I fell asleep. Not rational at all.
But a task of some gravity lies in front of me. It’s the search of my I-Tunes library for just the right mid-80’s AOR pop/rock album to act as antidote for this near-psychotic sleepless state I’m caught in. This will force me to re-consider any number of derided but not altogether unworthy acts who once worshiped at the Altar of Gated Reverb: Mr. Mister, Starship, Mike + The Mechanics and an assortment of torrid Desmond Child vehicles.
Now I’m not sure why I believe there is an mid-80’s AOR pop/rock album that holds the alchemical key to release me from this Purgatory. Nonetheless the conviction is strong. Indeed I am only vaguely aware of the how: some sort of a sonic detox of my head, earhole-to-eyehole. Part of a wider psychick sleep hygiene ritual. Regardless, it has to work.
I must now go listen very closely at a number of bombastic pop albums. Don’t wait up for me; this will take some time.